I was reading the April 2012 issue of Redbook today. In it, there’s an article that gives the advice of several knowledgeable people on how to avoid divorce. There are two particular suggestions that stood out at me:
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., said that couples should touch, stating that a lot of couples stop touching long before they split up.
Dr. Helen Fisher, PH.D., said that if you can vividly imagine your partner kissing someone else and not care, you’re ready for divorce.
As I was reflecting on the article after I finished reading it, I realized just how much truth there was in those two women’s words.
I’ve had plenty of relationships, and only three that I would truly classify as serious. Of those three, two of them ended on my terms. And when I ended them, there were two huge factors that were the main reasons I knew the relationship was over:
1. I could no longer stand to be touched by him.
2. I could picture him kissing someone else, and didn’t care. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say I even felt relief in the second relationship.
I don’t know if other people use these things as their measuring stick to determine whether or not a relationship is over, but I think more people should.
I think a lot of people might find that picturing their significant other with another person romantically will still set off some sparks, and if it does, they just might decide there’s still something worth fighting for.
Touching, kissing, physical connection is a very powerful part of any romantic relationship. There are people who claim that they don’t need (or don’t need a lot of) physical touch, but I think most people do feel that they need some kind of physical connection. If that need isn’t met, or if they find that they no longer want to get that need met by their current parent, that’s going to lead to problems, if not to the actual end of the relationship.
Regardless of anything else, I definitely agree that if you can imagine your significant other kissing someone other than you, and it doesn’t bother you in the least, then the relationship is over.