The best revenge

Someone asked me a very interesting question the other day. She wanted to know if making men I used to date regret what they gave up ever motivated me in my writing.

I’m going to take a broader view in this blog, and instead of just addressing former relationships, include former friends or anyone who ever told me I couldn’t or wouldn’t be a published author one day.

The answer to the question, though, of whether making people regret losing me in their life or making them eat their words when they said I’d never to it, is yes and no.

For the most part, I don’t let those people control that much of time or thoughts. They’re out of my life for a reason – if I didn’t think that you were worth having in my life, then why would I think your opinion of me has any worth?

People that are out of my life, whether I removed them or they removed themselves, are gone, and I don’t sit around dwelling on revenge, or making them wish they were still here, or any of that kind of silly stuff. I move on with my life, looking forward to finding new people that I do want in my life, people that I have things in common with and enjoy talking to and spending time with.

Never have I written a single word in any of my books, blogs, poems or anywhere else while thinking, “I really hope so and so reads this and wishes he/she still dated me/was friends with me.” lol That takes too much time and energy.

Plus, it gives those people too much power over me. Specifically answering the question she asked me, about former boyfriends, relationships end because you discover/decide you’re just not compatible. Obviously, in many cases, only one of you decides that, so the relationship doesn’t always end on good terms. If I left things on bad terms, whether I was angry with him or he was angry with me, why do I want to give an old boyfriend, whom I don’t even see anymore, that much power over what I do today? If I wanted him to have that kind of power, I’d still be with him.

But there is a yes to this answer, as well. There are many people who’ve encouraged, supported and inspired me to follow my dream, to write and to be published. And yes, the hope that those people will read my books and be proud, be happy, to admit they know me, that does sometimes motivate me. On those days when the words just aren’t flowing, or things are out of control crazy and finding time to sit down and write is tough, if not impossible, that does motivate me.

I have friends who tell me they think it’s so cool that I’m an author and they know me. That also motivates me. Not just because I wouldn’t want to let someone down when they think what I’m doing is cool and that knowing me is such a big deal to them, but because I know some of them have dreams of their own. Some of them aren’t trying to achieve them out of fear, others because their lives don’t allow for it – they have to work two jobs to support their family, or there’s something else that stands in the way. And I hope that seeing me doing what I love, and getting somewhere with it, will keep them thinking about their own dreams and encourage them to someday try for theirs.

The real, main motivation behind my writing is simply that I love it. I’ve always wanted to be an author, and being able to do what I love brings me joy. So many people have jobs that they hate, and going to work feels like a chore. They dread Mondays, they dread work, they’re miserable because they don’t get paid nearly what they’re worth. I, on the other hand, never feel like work is a chore. I never dread picking up the laptop and getting to work. In fact, sometimes the problem is that I keep working long after I should have stopped for the day. lol I truly love what I do, and the thought of giving it up and going back to a job that I would hate and not want to do is enough to motivate me to keep writing when things are difficult.

If you are one of those people that allows themselves to be motivated by the idea that their ex (or some former friend) might be filled with regret for being out of their life, ask yourself why you want to let that person have so much power over your life. You shouldn’t be doing things because it might make someone jealous or regretful. You should be doing things because you enjoy them, because they are what you want to do.

Besides, remember they say the best revenge is living well. If you’re busy doing things to make them jealous, then you’re not living well. So are you really achieving what you want?