I won't be able to watch a movie of my own books (or at least, I'll have to cover my eyes)

So, here’s something kind of weird about me.

I write romantic suspense, as you know. I write about kidnapping, rape, murder, blah blah blah.  And I do this without batting an eye. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I can write about blood spilling, pooling, spurting, oozing, whatever.


I can’t stand to watch anything bloody, or with any kind of ick factor. America’s Got Talent had some contestants this last season who put hooks in their noses or on their eyes – couldn’t watch. I can watch sword swallowers – but they had one who did it with an x-ray machine to show his insides, and I couldn’t look at the machine image. Oh, and perfect example (and what prompted this post), I watched a zombie movie with the kids Saturday night. In the movie, this guy’s daughter became a zombie, so he decided to feed her by cutting a chunk of flesh out of his arm (she didn’t want that, she ate him instead, so now I consider that to be purely gratuitous, and I have to say, if I have to see something gratuitous in a movie, I’d rather it be sex or naked man butt, but that’s beside the point). So he cuts this enormous (it might have only been like an inch, I don’t know) chunk of flesh out of his arm. And the whole time, I’m sitting there, hands over my eyes, peeking through my fingers now and then, going, “Ew! Gross! Oh my god, that’s so gross! Why is he doing that? Oh, make him stop!” Meanwhile, my kids are laughing so hard at me. I’m laughing, too – now.

Trust me, I know how weird it is. Even I can’t figure out why I can write this stuff but can’t handle actually seeing it. I’ve considered therapy, but I figure the therapist might think the best way to get over it is to make me watch people stick needles in their eyes and self-amputate a leg, and well….covering my eyes and going, “Ew! Gross!!” is just so much easier. And a lot less messy and bloody and icky.

I mentioned this to my mother the other day, and she said, “So, I guess you won’t be able to watch the movie if they make one of your books into one one day, will you?” And I realized….I won’t! I mean, I’ll be able to watch all the non-icky parts, but when it comes to the blood and murder and stuff, I’ll have my eyes covered. And then I realized…how will I know if they did the scene justice? How will I know that they didn’t change a scene dramatically from what I wanted, from how I wrote it in the book? So it looks like I’ll have two options, if that day ever comes: either I’ll have to figure out how to get over my ridiculous inability to look at blood and ickiness, or I’ll have to pay someone to make sure that those scenes from my books are done properly in movie form.

I think it’s time to start saving so I can afford to pay that person.